Just want to run.
Just want to hide away.
And close my eyes to your gaze.

Just want to leave.
Don't want to hear them say,
"You're no good at this."

I'm tired of Love. For it is too tough a game to play.

It's hard to love someone.
It's hard for someone to love you.
It's even harder for both to coincide.
And when they do, shit has to happen.

Perhaps I had been single for awhile.
Or maybe the loneliness got the better of me.

My craving was fuelled, and I lost my logic, both emotionally and physically.

And I don't know where the problem lies.

Do I fall in love too soon and too easily?
Or is it because I do not know how to love?

For now, I really don't wanna think about Love.

I just wanna run and hide away from that feeling. I don't want to face it anytime soon.

Maybe I'm not ready.
Maybe the time's not right.

I don't want to hear them say,

"You're no good in this game called Love."

It's been a few weeks that I'm back to JB. And I really feel a lot better.


During this days, so many emotional happenings took place within me.


Trying to patch back with you.

Accepting that our love is gone forever.

Trying to hate you.

Doing my best to get you out of my mind.

Trying very hard not to cry when I think of you.

Trying to move on with life.

Trying to get myself ready for a new start.

Trying to find someone worth giving my love to.


I guess it was enough time for me to complete all of the above. Except the last line.

I came to realise there is no definite waiting time for the right person to come along. Some right ones come in the blink of an eye, while some take forever to come. Mine must be taking its own sweet time to come. =.=

Some people can't stand the loneliness while waiting, and get into flings and short-lived relationships with others. But, I choose to remain single in the waiting of the Right One.

Trust me when I say singlehood has its own side of good. Sometimes I am really glad that I chose to remain single after hearing dramatic stories about relationships from my friends. In fact singlehood is better is every way than being attached, perhaps the only disadvantage being the occasionally emptiness that needs to be filled.

Sometimes being together ain't the main thing...

I still,
read those sms u sent me to sleep every night.


I still,
check my phone every now and then hoping you would call or sms.


I still,
wake up in the middle of the night and feel all so lonely.


I still,
shed a few tears every once in a while thinking about you.


I still,
miss you.


I still,
LOVE YOU.

Now that I have finally stepped out of being affected by people's scrutiny,
Life takes a backseat and I could really take a deep breath and live my days with much ease.



The vicious effects of losing their love one has been the most venomous poison of all mankind. Making people lose confidence in themselves, and end up feeling all so negative. And these malicious evil things glue itself to people, and not many can actually break free from it.



How much courage does it take, to have your confidence stay strong? Despite countless fingers pointing at you with disgust and infinite pairs of lips muttering about you in repulsion? But I don't care. I sold the weapon to npc.



Through all the supports from my friends and family, I gain much motivation and inspiration to live my life with more courage and determination.



Go ahead and try to bring me down.



Scold me.

Bitch me behind my back.

Leave me thinking I'll go after you.

Tell me you're actually loving me but I made it end.



I bet you will be so disappointed.



Very.



If people wants to leave me out, I won't humiliate myself and plead for forgiveness and change myself into something I can't even recognise just to fit in. I won't even ask for the reason why. I'll just screw them off before they do. But to you, I didn't know why. I really changed for you, so much. I didn't complain anything for what you have done.



Hide things from me again. Show me ambiguity. Tell me I need to gain your trust. I'll say,



"Fuck you."



If you don't wanna share, I won't even waste my time.



Think I can still be hurt? Try me.



I dare you.



Any last resort? Try violence.

But just a gentle reminder, I specialise in it.





But don't even begin feeling I'm the one to blame.
Cause you dug your own grave.

Teach me how to undo the done.
Teach me how to resurrect the dead.
Teach me how to salvage the perished.
Teach me how to reverse the irreversible.

Teach me how to heal... a broken heart.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

This time,
It's really over…

Should I start by telling how much I love you? Or should that be the way things end?

There were times I really regretted what I did. But maybe because I was too impulsive, or maybe it was because of ego, I never failed to break your heart. Recalling how many times I had broken your heart and caused you so much unnecessary pain, I feel like taking a knife and plunging it into mine.

There was actually someone whom loved and cared so much about me, yet all I know was to keep hurting that heart. It must have been very hard on you. Come to think of it, you were the source of all my joy and laughter, but it seems to me that I brought you more sadness than smiles.

I failed utterly as a lover.
I failed even more utterly as your lover.
The way how things have turned out, I could not blame anyone except myself. You said it wasn't my fault. But when I think it all again, I know the way I complaint made you feel so stressed and pain. I'm sorry, once again.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I could carry on my life without you.

You said you love me. You said you are really addicted to loving me. You didn't know why, but you said you would stand by my side forever.

And you told me, I'll never end up as one of your previous ex-s.

Our relationship got challenged by the test of time. We, or rather, I myself, gradually forgot about the love between us. I took things for granted. I took you for granted.

The times I had with you were truly the happiest months I ever had in my whole life.

But now you're setting the path for me... I've no more choices besides leaving you...
I'll leave... Since you're happy with it =)

You were everything I could ever wish for.

If you won't accept me in this lifetime,
Will you accept me in the next?
Because I'll still be waiting... I promise...

Very few people take an instant to see the light. Others take longer, while some never.

Just now, I scrolled up my inbox reading the message you sent me, those printscreen of your words that u told me... And everything seems to dawn on me...

All along I had failed to realise my actions had been tiring you out. My constant stubbornness had been the reason for our meaningless quarrels.

I forgot the most important thing about our relationship. Love. It wasn't a battle of who's right and who's wrong, what's fair and what's not, who's dominant and who's submissive. It wasn't about "face" whenever we quarrel.

It was all about Love. It was all about getting along together through good and bad times. It was all about the things we ever shared. It was all about the feelings we had for each other.

Too many times we tiffed about insignificant little things that not only did not strengthened our bond, but made it weaker. We lost count how many times we quarreled about those small matters. You said I was the one who created all the unhappiness. And from what I can see now, it's all true.

As I read the messages and viewed the pictures one by one, I couldn't believe what I had done. Time and again I was pushing your limits, testing the love you had for me. Never once did I stopped and realised that there's a limit to everything, no matter how much love you felt for me.

Every time, I had always been the one causing all the conflict, starting the quarrels and breaking your heart. I must have hurt you really bad, for these incidents happen not only once, but too many a time till we both lost count.

Our quarrels would always end by you giving in. You would always be the one who make the first move and apologise to me for making me angry. You tried to comfort me by telling me alot of stuffs. But silly me never once realised, what I did broke your heart too. The times you apologised increased by the numbers, yet until now I can’t even recall a single time when I had been the one to give in and said sorry.

You told me to give you some time. You don't want me to think negatively. And you need my trust. But I failed to give u those. Yet I want you to do what I want perfectly. I want you to be mine all the time. I know you tried so hard... When all on my mind was nothing but negative thoughts, you were already sparing a thought for our love... I know it. And I know I made u feel tired and disappointed by chatting about those topics again and again...

I'm really sorry...

I must have been such an inconsiderate jerk. Please forgive me.

I want to apologise for everything I've done to hurt you.
I want to tell you I finally understood everything.
I want to show you the new me.
I want to be the best love you ever had.
I want to hold you in my arms and tell you how much I love you.

And NO. I won't give up easily this time.
I ain't gonna break down and admit defeat in this relationship.

I love you... That's everything =)


You're the reason my pulse is beating,
And there's no way I can live without you...

Haha =.= Come and blog again... Forgive me that I'm really too bored. And this is the only thing that I can do now...


Somethings, just ain't allowed to be blogged.. Seriously, I've some feelings just cannot stay undercover any longer... But it's just that I can't confess it to everyone. LOL =.= Anyway, thanks to my darling. She is the one who encourages me to blog. Oh well, this is really a good way to express my inner most feelings.


It's really hard on myself sometimes. When u have so many probs and u need a listening ear.. And u know where to prob lies? No because no one's there to listen to u, but u just can't find the right person to tell..


I'll find a way to release these bottled feelings... Maybe a hidden blog where no one's gonna know the url cuz i won't be making it public and there's no way i am gonna reveal the site. Argh...


Ok. Stop the silly thoughts. Haha.

And this is the first time I blog about the physical happenings.


Well. Quite enjoyed yesterday. Went to pyramid with VK and Stephanie. It's been quite a period I never saw both of them. Anyway, the purpose of meeting up is just that I received an early warning letter from my previous school and they wanted to pass for me. =.= Ok I know I'm lame. EARLY WARNING LETTER?! It sounds so serious.


Actually I decided to transfer to Taylor's College from Monash University in this sem. But due to some particular reason(-_- ), I failed to transfer in this sem. So I have to wait until the next intake to start study. And then I didn't go to Monash University to do the cancelling stuffs. I was just really lazy. Hence =.= they sent the letter to ask me whether I want to continue.


Anyway, was really so enjoy. I'm back to Sushi King! I really really love Japanese cuisine sooooooo much. And we ate too much =.= Gosh trust me u will faint when u catch sight of the receipt.


After finished our 'lunch' (well we had our lunch at 4pm+), we went for a movie - the Forbidden-Kingdom.
The story is about an America teenage magically transported back in time to Ancient China. He has a mission which is to bring a legandary weapon to free the imprisoned Monkey King.


It's quite an interesting story actually. An America teenage is trying to perform Kung Fu with Jacky Chan and Jet Li. LOL! It's really funny. Finally something made me laughed and forget about the misery of those complicated stuffs.


After the movie I quickly went back home cuz I thought I'll be pissed by the jam. Yeah sometimes I DO hate KL life. Jam jam jam.




I've finally reached a point...
Where there are things i can't reveal...
Where there are things i can't say...



I don't see myself when i look into the mirror anymore...